So one night while I was working as a Summer RA for a youth camp comprised of about 300 middle-school aged girls and boys, I get this knock on my door. I open it to find my friend Ben with an exasperated look on his face. "Some kids are having sex. All the campers are… Continue reading My time as a Sex-Ed Teacher
If the multiverse theory is true I wonder in how many universes I might be flying around on a jetpack, solving crimes.
The thing I don’t like about guns is that for them to be useful, you have to use bullets. You have to put in the extra effort to load the gun, which uses up valuable seconds and broadcasts your intentions in a crisis situation. This is why when confronted by danger, I just immediately hurl… Continue reading Gun control
A lot of people think the worst day of your life is the day when you have to see a loved one or someone close to you die. But it’s not. It’s the next day. It’s when you realize that the sun has risen with the nightmare still playing out and you have to live… Continue reading When The World Fell Apart
One time while I was out camping with my dad, I had gone to sleep early and my dad stayed up by the fire, drinking beer and staying warm. He soon noticed a raccoon nearby in the bushes, and being the resourceful man he was, decided to use his nearly empty beer can as a… Continue reading The Natural Laws
Before I die, I've decided I'm putting a secret provision in my will to pay a look-alike of me to dress up in my clothes and stand off in the distance during the funeral. That way people will be reminded and comforted to know that I will always be watching over them.
The look on Frank’s face told a rather complete and tragic tale. Up until that point I had never known a feline to have the capacity to emote more than three expressions: “I like this.” “I dislike this or am otherwise not interested.” And lastly “I WILL REMOVE YOUR EYES IF MY PRESENT SITUATION IS… Continue reading Journey to the Infinite Part 3
I must have had a sour look on my face, because a friend asked me if something was wrong. There was, but I didn't have the heart to tell them what was really on my mind. I'd spent the last 10 minutes trying to figure out if Ducktales and Darkwing Duck exist in the same universe.
The human’s name is Nicole. Or Beau. She goes by Beau, which has never made sense to me. I know why it does to you. I don’t care. For the purposes of this story she’s Nicole, and riding with her are three animals. Stacked on top of each other in cat carriers ala Hollywood Squares… Continue reading Journey to the Infinite Part 2
When I was a kid I thought being a lawyer meant you got to deal with contracts signed in blood or settling disputes between mermaids and evil sea-witches over the ownership of a voice exchanged for legs. Turns out most of it is just sitting down in front of a computer and drinking expensive coffee.